Folding space at home

Folding space
I’ve had several surgeries lately which caused me to be away from work for several months and under doctor’s orders not to do anything but rest. I passed my time by watching science shows like Neil Tyson’s COSMOS and was shocked to learn that the Milky Way is fast approaching hump day, as the sun is close to reaching middle age.

Even more frightening is the fact that just a billion or so years before the sun runs dry, our galaxy will apparently be involved in a head on crash with the Andromeda galaxy and while our little neck of the woods should remain untouched, we will be thrown to the outer edges of the new galaxy. But again, the sun will already be heading into it’s death throes so not much really to celebrate there.

And apparently space is really far. Like, it’s really stretched out. I’ve read that if we want to leave our solar system and find a new planet with a healthy sun, even if we had a space ship that could travel at light speed, our nearest new world would apparently take more than one generation’s lifetime to reach. Apparently all hope lies in figuring out how to fold space.

My wife spends hours on the internet, watching useless videos of cats and doing that social media thing. It got me wondering why everyone wasn’t more concerned about the fate of our universe and why so many man hours are being frittered away on mindless amusements. I get that this calamity isn’t going to happen in our lifetime nor our kids’ lifetime, it’ll be a few generations down the line, but if everyone started to work the problem now, just think how much further ahead we’d be.

One day while defrosting a bagel in the nuker, the lights suddenly dimmed. I noticed that the toaster and coffee maker were on too and realized I was standing nearly in the centre of a triangle with these three appliances at the points. While I know it was likely just a brown out, I couldn’t help but think there was some scientific significance to the moment and so I reached for the oven mitts, and with arms outstretched, checked to see if I could just “grab space” inside my triangle and fold it.

It didn’t work, the toast burnt and my wife walked in and asked if I was still on my meds.

Obviously I didn’t really think it would work but the point is, how do we know for sure it isn’t just that simple?

Movies make us think you need to be scientists or be working for some government agency with access to billions of dollars of space tech, but I did some reading and learned that you don’t have to be in outer space or aboard a spacecraft to bend space, space is all around us and if done properly, one might be able to fold space as easily as folding laundry.

As with all things, I know there’s inherent risks and you need to tread slowly. In the movie Event Horizon they ran before they could walk and where did that get them? Hell, that’s where. And in Interstellar, ol’ Matty danced with a black hole and ended up stuck behind the gyproc pulling on strings for eons. So it’s understandable that I wanted to wait for the right set of circumstances to present themselves before trying again.

Late one evening while watching hockey, two of our cats were once again staring up into a specific corner of the ceiling. My wife often jokes that the cats are capable of seeing spooks and spectres and that when they do this, they’re seeing into a supernatural portal we humans cannot. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to deduce that maybe the portal they’re seeing isn’t supernatural in origin but scientific. I watched a documentary not long ago with that sciencey dude in a wheelchair, narrated by Sherlock, and he has this theory that wormholes exist everywhere, but the problem is trying to find them.

So what if the cats had revealed the location of a stable wormhole right in my own house! Probably unlikely that I would be this lucky but still worthy of spending a commercial break’s amount of time on to experiment. I stared along with the cats at the same point in space, even ignoring hockey’s return to the screen. When I started my experiment the hockey game was still in the second period but when my brain suddenly snapped to again, while I was still in my chair, the game was over and the midnight movie was on. For the micro-second’s worth of confusion you experience when you first wake up, I actually believed something had happened and my proof was that I had experienced a loss of time.

In hindsight, I know I just fell asleep versus becoming the world’s first inter-galactic traveller but at least I’m trying, I’m out there swinging at the pitches and not taking them. What have you done lately that might benefit the future of mankind?

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