By the title, you would expect this movie to be anything but boring, cheesy and stupid. But you are wrong, Ebert. This movie is boring, cheesy and stupid.

I had never heard of Bon Cop, Bad Cop until I acquired a free pass to see it. Colm Feore stars in it, so I thought it couldn't be too bad. The pass showed an exciting exploding car. Things went downhill from there. The tagline said, "Shoot first. Translate later." That should have clued me in.

Bon Cop, Bad Cop is a stinky story about two cops paired together in an investigation when a crime scene straddles the Ontario/Québec border. One is a by the book, authoritative figure that people respect. The other is a rule-breaking, loose cannon that women want to sleep with. What a pair!

But wait... the conflict doesn't end there! These two idiots are always under each other's skin. One insists that when in Québec, they will work only in French. The other insists that when in Ontario, they will work only in English. When there is trouble at a bar, the English nitwit is getting beaten up by an angry Neanderthal but the greasy French cop refuses to help because he is calling for help in English! Of course, when his help is finally requested en français, he calmly walks over and kicks everyone's ass like he's done it a thousand times before. Brilliant!

The villain in this pathetic story is a pimple-faced teenager with a delicate voice who we are supposed to believe is a ruthless, violent menace. He does his best to sound mean and threatening but is about as convincing as... well... a pimple-faced teenager with a delicate voice. He seems like he would have been more comfortable in his parents' basement with a headset strapped to his skull, on the battlefield of an online role-playing game.

You won't believe what happens next. After all their Oscar and Felix hoopla and hilarity, Ontario cop and Québec cop put their differences aside, and fight evil as a cohesive team. They now speak a common language: justice!

This movie is jammed with bad writing, an achingly stupid plot, a crummy soundtrack, cheap laughs and bad acting. Even the extras did a lousy job.

As if the movie itself wasn't enough to ruin my evening, the three people seated behind me thoroughly, and vocally, enjoyed it. Not only did they continually kick my seat, they laughed, cheered, narrated and commented through the entire movie:

"Oooooooo!"

"Oh no!"

"Ooo, that was close!"

"Uh oh!"

"Oh... ouch!"

"AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

It is a fact that only a pea-brained dunce could enjoy this piece of Canadian film pisstory. Three quarters of the way through the dreadful experience, the three nitwits had become so excited and entertained that their obnoxious laughter was accompanied by their own applause. Like someone at a comedy club who wants everyone to know he gets the joke, they'd open-mouth laugh, rock in their seats and wildly clap their hands.

When the movie finally ended, I turned around to see the three knuckleheads with big, dumb smiles on their faces and wide, delighted eyes. The loudest and stupidest one shared her deepest thought of the night: "That was pretty good!"

Bon Cop, Bad Cop is total garbage. I have no idea how or why I sat through the entire thing. The experience couldn't have been much worse. If someone had spilled a drink on me I would have said, "At least this movie isn't longer."

— Frozen Peas