Have you ever sat down on the toilet to have a dump and expected something really big; only to be disappointed at the pea-sized piece of crap you end up passing after experiencing lengthy discomfort? Godsend is such this piece of crap.

Fortunately I only paid rental price to view this constipated, molasses-paced supposedly "most shockingly horrific" horror movie of the year. I don't recall Godsend spending much time in the theatres and it's quick appearance on dvd did send a momentary chill through my bones. I wondered if I was about to view the kind of movie featuring a big name actor (Robert DeNiro) who needed to show up only for a week of shooting to fulfill his contractual duties. Such was pretty much the case.

The movie also features Greg Kinnear and Rebecca Romijn Stamos (who? you ask, as I did - Mystique from the X-men movies replied my girlfriend) in the lead roles of Paul and Jessie Duncan who's only child meets with an untimely demise in the opening 10 minutes. This young boy who the movie is actually about is played by no one I have ever heard of (Cameron Bright) and reminded me more of that weiner kid named Marcus in "About A Boy" than he did say Harvey Stephens' Damien (The Omen) or Danny Lloyd's Danny (The Shining) who's performances I think the movie was trying to mirror,...er,..should I say "clone".

Cloning is what this movie is all about, plot-wise and unfortunately in many other aspects. Robert DeNiro takes on the role of doctor/scientist who offers the Duncans the opportunity to clone their recently deceased son and begin life anew. They accept. If Stephen King lived in the neighborhood, he might offer the Duncans the opportunity to bury their son in his Pet Cemetary as it would eventually produce the same result. Anyways, the kid is born and we immediately jump ahead 8 years to the same age the original kid was when he died. The kid is of course, a perfect clone with the lone exception that now his hair is cut a little thinner and closer to his head, I assume to give him a more menacing look of evil. Suddenly the boy is plagued by night terrors, visions of trapped kids in burning buildings and strange apparitions. This is where the movie begins to heavily "clone" (some might say plagerize) scenes seen and executed better in other more successful horror/thrillers. There's a bathroom scene which reminded me of The Shining and countless shots of the kid standing trancelike in errily lit hallways staring off into space which I'm sure were inspired by The Omen.

I can only imagine the filmmakers inserted so many shots of the kid looking and acting "spooky" in the hopes they would break up the incredibly slow-paced detective work Greg Kinnear's character begins to conduct to unravel the mystery as to why his son is acting the way he is. The initial explanation offered by Deniro's character is that the boy is now moving into unchartered waters; his DNA, his cells, now growing beyond the age at which they were terminated in the original copy of the boy. This actually could have been an interesting concept to explore, but instead we're taken in a silly direction which reveals to us that the boy's DNA was mixed with that of a blood thirsty psychopathic little toddler (happens all the time) who died at roughly the same age and who is exerting more control over the boy and his actions with each passing day.

I fell asleep twice during this movie. If this story had been written in the late 1950's it would have only warranted a spot as a 30 minute episode of the Twilight Zone or Outer Limits. There really isn't enough there to do more, yet they managed to drag this debacle out for close to 100 minutes. They did this by spending far too much time having their characters walking around with their mouths and eyes wide open, heads turning slowly from side to side, trying to create suspense.

The final cloning procedure comes in the form of no less than five alternate endings. I have never been a fan of the alternate ending as I feel it admits indecision. To me it's like nobody really knew where they were going with the story and the final responsibility of determining the movie's end is left with a focus group. Amazingly each alternate ending was an identical clone of the last 15 minutes of the movie with only an extra minute or two of new footage near the end of the clip. I have no idea why they decided to replay the same 15 minutes of footage over and over again; I can only assume it was an inside "cloning" gag by the production house that put the DVD together. So keep your finger poised on the fast forward button of your remote, or better yet, just fast forward to the next shelf when walking around your local movie rental outlet.